yoga smoga.

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having just left a yoga class, i should be floating on a cloud, and i am, but i’m also a little pissed off, and i think i’m entitled to feel this way. there are certain rules that mostly every studio has (i.e. no shoes in the practice room…) and then there are the unwritten ones, those that invoke common sense, which as my mom always says, isn’t so common. while i’m not proposing that yoga classes become a place of “no,” they shouldn’t be free of consideration.

1. loud cell phone conversations before class–this one gets a big WTF? some people use this time to “arrive” and do you really need to shout in the practice space? there’s a foyer for that. or even better, an outside, with a sidewalk.

2. musk and other odors. ewww… i’m the first to admit that i sweat during class, that’s just how it is. but i don’t come to class smelling like half a bottle of brut. when you’re in a class that creates energy, smells tend to waft and settle.

3. bad attitudes. hypothetically, you come to yoga to push yourself, not to whine about working hard. i am, myself, am a reformed complainer, and once i just gave in and had fun with the difficulties, i started getting a hell of a lot more out of each class–both physically and mentally.

4. judgements suck and no one likes to feel like they’re being watched. i know that sometimes it’s hard not to have a wandering eye, but i beg you, try, try, and when all else fails, try again. if i fall out of a pose, then so be it. if i decide to wear fuchsia leggings, that doesn’t give you the right to stare at my tush. looking at people is human nature but glaring is weird.

5. this is my mat space and this is your mat space. sound familiar? do you know that i once had someone grab my toe multiple times in one class during stretching? i don’t know what she was mistaking it for but she clearly had no concept of anything. one of my teachers is constantly reminding us that it’s healthy to know where you are in space, and he’s not wrong.

6. groaning. i suppose this is the yoga equivalent to lunking in the gym. see, if you’re breathing enough, there’s really no need for it to be so emotive. this is a tricky one because a) we need to breathe; b) we don’t breathe enough; c) everyone breathes differently; and d) you can’t tell someone not to breathe. i think you know what i mean, it’s the absurdly loud and possibly inappropriate sounds that make you wonder if you’re even in the same class.