on having nothing to say

Why hello there! It’s been a little while, hasn’t it? The thing about not blogging for almost two months, is that once a week goes by, it’s even easier to let a month go by, and before you know it, you’re a few days shy of not having posted since there was snow on the ground. And it’s a self-involved answer, but I can pinpoint the exact reason why I haven’t written anything–I’m really uninspired* and don’t know what direction, if any, I want to drive this blog toward. When I started writing back in 2010, I was so thrilled to have found a creative outlet amidst my studies, which were seemingly uncreative. At that point, it was easy centering everything around fashion when that’s what everyone else was doing. Back then, the industry was a little more innocent, though not entirely so, and it definitely felt more inclusive, unrefined, and bonded, not the multimillion dollar industry that it’s blossomed into. Just like many other bloggers, I posted everything, even the terrible outfits I wore that I thought were cute, and the days spent doing nothing buy writing papers and losing sleep over what my thesis would be. And for someone who won’t speak unless they have something to say, I definitely did my share of posting when I had nothing particularly groundbreaking to write about. Nonetheless, I managed to stick with it and found interest in posting all throughout college and in the months following graduation.

But then there came a point–probably when I was in the thick of looking for a job–where I felt like posting about my ensembles and things in my life was so vapid and pointless. Who the hell even cared? If I was writing this blog for myself and I found my own words tiring, then would anyone mind if I shifted gears or just ceased writing altogether? Probably not, though I still get the occasional email from my mom asking when I’m going to post something new. I just knew who I didn’t want to become and I was getting so close to that point.

Once I landed a job in publishing, I noticed that my posts were definitely representative of that, including thoughts on books I had read recently or more op-ed styled scribbles that lacked any kind of photography. And that was fun for a while, until even that started feeling lame. Why? What’s the point of writing these ideas? They weren’t all that cathartic and I work in an industry where unless something gets crazy traffic and shares, it never happened. That’s not to say that I wish I had a more established following (actually far from it), but that seems to be the only way to be viewed with any legitimacy. So with that, I haven’t written a stitch since March. Everything feels passé and boring, and if I can’t keep myself entertained, how can I expect anything more from you? At this point, I have no idea what the direction of this site is going to be, I feel like when you lose that focus, everything goes to shit, so this is definitely a moment of reevaluation for me. Optimally, I’d love to keep things going over here, possible photographing more and posting the occasional thought, but I don’t know how that work, in actuality. For now I’ll leave things realistically open-ended and see where we end up in a few months!

*this is actually relevant to the larger picture as well (see the #littrip my mom and I took in October)